Day 24 Grown Up

As i grow up and with comfort and knowledge from my friends i have molded into a responsible adult and now that i have taken my flight into an actual life of responsibility and stability Ive been very strong lately. I make better decisions, im able to turn down fun just to be responsible and i feel like an adult now i don't just know im an adult i feel that way, So i wanna thank my current household family Chip and Vicki Caruana For molding me into a REAL adult and im so thankful. I thank Robyn Coffman for her advice and her molding me to notice my reality and giving me courage and strength to move forward and to stop digging my past from the ground. All my friends at Harvest temple Wesley 1&2 john, jonmark, drew AHHHHH I hate naming names lol EVERYBODY!!! For being an awesome example for me and making me a stronger person!

MOST OF ALL i thank GOD for knowing me inside out and being the best father in all!

Day 25 Fractured Heart

Today is my Former high school homecoming game, and i attend. Tonight was a painful experience, but its had pleasure along the way and i realized the importance in waiting for the right person in a relationship. I know that God understands me and how im different and not among his relationship standards. I try my hardness to keep those boundaries god has set for me, and ive been doing a great job. But tonight made it really hard. To make a long story short ,a person whom i have been infatuated with has portrayed there feelings for me and i was blown away and i didn't know how to respond to it so i kept quiet and responded only for closure. Then another friend of mine told me the some what same thing, and i had to remain just friends. But to make everything worse, a friend of my friend John decides to kiss me in front of hundreds of people. I felt humiliated and hurt. I went home after wards and just sat down in my back yard and i just though and listened to what God had to tell me.


Granted i did want to start a relationship but i wanted Gods approval, and he said no. I understand why , i leave Florida in 25 days relationship is a big no no, and ive never really dated someone so i dont know if it would take me off focus with god. And trust me i dont need another distraction. So im really thankful that god is giving me direct answers, and i will never take him for granted. Thanks God!!!!!!

Day 26 - COLLEGE

I've figured out all of my need's for college and i have to raise about $840 for dance stuff and books, Air fare, insurance and housing. Im in stress cause i leave in 26 days and i have to do all of this. I have to stay strong and not give up and breakdown. It's so hard being on your own doing this. I thankful i have friends a foundation to help me through this.


Lord i pray for strength and ho;e that i will get this taken care of all of this madness! Your and Awesome god and i know you'll make it all happen. Love you lord and thank you so much.

Amen
Brandon

Day 27 The Quiet Place

Ive been sulking a lot lately because i feel that I'm part of the whole anymore. My absences isn't charming ether but i just wanted open arms and smiling faces. I feel so out of place, I never know the out come of things, i feel unintelligent around the solid crew. I look to my left and right in selfishness and complaint because i wish i had the relationship with god the way he does, or i wish my out come of life would shine like hers. I had to slap myself in the face and realize that my relationship with the lord is strong. I'm still getting to know him more cause i sent my entire walk since 15 making god get to know me, but he was already there! I imagine how boring it must be for some one to tell you over and over and over about them self's and there situations and you already know.

That's why God is so amazing because he continue to help me knowing that i was fragile,he didn't slap me with reality with i was weary , he still listen to what i had to say and nerchared me. So god i thank you for what you've done in my life and im so thankful that your the father i never had. God help me to ignore my self when i get jealous or envious, God i don't care that probably no one reads this ...at all, that i do inform but i still ignored, God you are the only one that matters and im thankful that your reading this i love you and forgive me for my ugliness and wishing to be someone different you love me for who i am and im so thankful for it!


Amen
Brandon

Day 28 Commitment

I've come to term with myself that i need to stay committed to this rehabilitation process. I know if i stay committed it will build my instinct on having my daily time with the lord. Hopefully i wont get too distracted. Today i did some super good deeds for momz and pops around the house. Like cleaning really good and organizing and just making everything so when they come home they will smile!

I know that god has all ready started to make a difference into my life. I'm noticing thing get better and things getting worse, life is such an battle.I know that ill be able to continue with this, I'm having wants and urges to do this, and its already making me better.


So lord i thank you for your awesome work your doing on me. I wont disappoint you at all. Your so on top of my life I'm so thankful that your guiding me. You make me complete and i love you God.

Amen
Brandon

Day 29 Issue Inside

Hopefully ill be able to keep a STRONG focus with god and not veer off to the wrong. I'm going to try harder to control me lusting issue. The enemy attacks me when I'm weak and i give in. Ill fight harder and continue a stronger walk with God.

Lord just forgive me for my actions God. I hear your voice saying "Its not right Don't Do this" But i block you out. God I'm really sorry lord and just build me lord, to be stronger and one day ill be able to repent for others and not always for myself. Ill get better god and ill listen.

Amen
-Brandon

Day 30- Reality

Well last night i had an big hit from god. A big hit of reality and truth. Lately ive been giving God the ultimate lip service, and unconnected voice. I loose all my focus all my connection with him and it made me realize last night at Robyn's house, John spoke that night about repentance and it hit on me every word, and then i note, the reason why im in a blurr, not connected or just hazy with god is because im not doing my half

I pray when people are in prayer, i worship when someone else is leading and and i repent went I've done something really bad. God doesnt deserve that, he deserves so much better. God put me in a reality last night and more or less a personification, he made me see that , say if i was helping some one who came to me for help and that all he would do is beg for this and beg for that and i'd give it to him, and smile, and then he runs off.

Every now and then he comes back asking for more help and more things and i still grant it to him, then he runs off, and when he does talk to me he spends all him time talking about himself and his needs and wants, hurts and happiness and etc. I know him so well but he doesn't know me and I'm hurting because all i do is help this person and he runs away every time.

That's God and I, he helps me so much and i run. Granted its a little dramatic but its close. And he made me realize how bad that would hurt me, and realized WOW thats how god feels, and it broke me down. So Im going to a 30 day blogged repentance to get me into a routine with prayer, reading the bible, worship, and most of all REPENTANCE!

So Lord i pray for a return back to you, to a soild relationship and a HUGE foucs to you, and notice to shut my mouth and listen to you. Father forgive me for my laziness , and for me being selfish and not thinking of others. God for taking wrong steps in my walk that leads to distraction and failure. God your my all and you do so much for me and you understand me like no one else so im giving you my full attention and god guide me through this again lord, so i can jump on the refresh button.God forgive me for not being responsible with this family im living with. I have to realize that im an adult and not an teenager and i have to grow up and take care of my responsibilities to i pray that you help me thought this.

Amen
-Brandon